Ok, so I’m having one of those day’s.

And since my only friend finds me to negative I thought I would get it of my chest here where the universe can deal with my negativity.

I work for a academic personality, and for me who does not judge or weigh a persons accomplishments by their education .. this is extremely difficult.

Let me explain.

I have many shortcomings. I can’t spell, and I suck at math’s. It’s never been a issue, with computers and a personality you can adapt and go on with life. It’s not a shortcoming I thought to be al that bad. (Maybe I just have to many ahahhahah)

I really like her (the boss) as a person, I think is because she works so hard. She reminds me of my mom. And since I have this thing where I want to save the world, I like the idée of making her life just a little easer. I would like to be able to get her to stop and take a breath every once in a while. (Or maybe I am just so used to having a hard time that it comes naturally)

But.. (Notice how there is always a but!) If I get one more e-mail fixing my spelling mistakes, If get told one more time not to refer to people as girl of boy (notice not in front of company only when are alone.. chatting) If I have to listen again on how pointless and useless the draughting course is (because she does not believe the training provider is legit… competed (Intec)) Or.. Worse little math lessons in public!

I would probably die.I want to scream, I want to put my logic in her brain and make it stick. But I cant. Because, I work for her. I am dependant on her salary. She things she is doing the right thing, and my opinion on what is right just isn’t important to her. The major company’s she deals with provides major stress, and somehow I can’t bring myself to be a part of her stress. (Guess it’s my own doing)

I am 26 (I think). And I don’t care that I cant spell. Il just type it in English and spell check it on the computer. I don’t care that I can’t do math’s, I will use my mobile to calculate if I need to. And I didn’t care that the course I took was a correspondence. I wanted to feel like I am doing at least something that is for me and only me. I love drawing houses. And I can’t afford to study full time. (Lets face it I cant afford to study part time either) When I made the choice to study I was doing 3 jobs, coming home at 10 every night, going to work at 8 and my only off day was Sunday. It was tuff and depressing because although I was working those hours, I still had no money.

Its thought me to know what is important to me, and more important (joy joy joy )

What I want out of life.

And here it is.

I want to live in a place (would be nice to be my own) where I could feel comfortable and at home. Where I could relax and make it pretty (ok !)
I want to be able to feed my dogs good food and lost of doggy treats. (would be nice to own a couple of cats, sheep, cow)
I want to buy groceries without my calculator. In fact I would like to be able to buy all the healthy food, and meat. Not only noodles.
I would like to drive a new car. Brand New
I would like to have a medical aid and pension.
I would like to be appreciated.
I would like meet someone who would be happy with just me. Someone who would not expect me to breed his offspring and raise him.
But most of all, I would love, to learn to paint well. And be accomplished in that.

So… for my academic boss.. this must be extremely trivial. And that’s life.

So when she degrades my course I look away and cringe at my little flicker of hope dieing. When she corrects my numerous spelling mistakes I say thank you. When she ties to take away my individuality I say.. boy I never thorth about it that way and when she teaches me math’s, I try to listen.

And when I’m alone again… rage rage rage on my blog

And that is my life.